I have realized more and more that I am moving, growing, and changing. I have become more defined in my spiritual practices and my calling is becoming more obscure while moving into focus.
I have long sought to learn and understand the more intensive ideals of subjects that usually make me zone out and feel stupid. Now I read about these subjects and understand them. I talk with others and comprehend complicated terminologies and ideals. Even more so I am excited about the information, theories, and ideals contained. I still use my "old" and traditional tools, resources, and theories, but now they are made stronger by my increasing ability to understand. What I once thought to be true for me, is. What I once theorized, is more real than I could previously imagine.
On this long road, I have many things to work on… One being my compassion for others. I tend to look at the facts of situations and the things people do to their selves instead of the humanity of their situation. I look at truth and fact more than I look at emotion and empathy. It is a protective wall I have created for myself. I have tendency to give too much to others when I open up, which leads to complete exhaustion, burn out, resentment, pain, etc.
It is important to have support. Interacting with others allows you to learn from their strengths and weaknesses. Character is a big deal so pay attention to the character of those you choose to surround you. Many wear disguises of friendship and compassion, but when things get complicated they will leave you alone to fend for yourself.
When someone says they love you and support you, their actions should reflect this message. I have spent plenty of time with those who run as soon as things get a little heated. It is refreshing to have a people surround you who have their own opinions and are not afraid to express these opinions. A different point of view is often inspiring and motivating.
This has helped me move and evolve further in my spiritual and mundane journey. Spiritually more complex ideals make sense. The trivial ideal falls away from me. I feel out of place in the greater mundane world, but I am okay with it. TV shows I used to enjoy are now boring. Mainstream music is shallow. Gossip is uninteresting. Old friendships are shadows of their former selves.
I find that I am more comfortable with elders, people who know their stuff and have moved beyond the need to boast about it. The quiet sages. The silent teachers. The old souls with young faces. The people who are not out to gain fame, social status, or approval... but those who are true seers, teachers, and companions.
My opinions are not the same as they were a year ago. Things make sense now compared to then. Relationships, words, feelings, perceptions.... They are all different now. I have changed.
There is a part of me that resists. This part of me wants things to never change. It tells me to be afraid. When I ignore this fear-filled voice, I find that I am better off. The journey is not always easy but the experience and euphoria that comes form it is wonderful.
I can do more. I see more. I feel more. I am more.
So… What is next? I am ready!